I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
