just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
