He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
