i think i have two assholes
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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