Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
