Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
