Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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