I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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