I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
