erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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