What a fucking waste of an outfit
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
