Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
