My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
