Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
