im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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