I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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