Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
