i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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