eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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