yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
