wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Less talking, more tequila
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
