The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
