well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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