Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
