ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
