i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We had sex on a dog bed..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
