Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
