C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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