You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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