even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
