so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
