he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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