Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
