This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How does it feel to date your dad?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
