I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
