just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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