so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
