Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
