I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
