So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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