So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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