even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
