can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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