Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
