It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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