there was a trapeze. enough said
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
