And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
