i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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