then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
