How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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