They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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