having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize