I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
