i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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