We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
