I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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