Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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