The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
