who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
