I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
