There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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