I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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