i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
