so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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