If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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