wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
