We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
