So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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