This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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