doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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