oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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