When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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