Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
