I just threw up on my dentist
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
