you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
