I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
