whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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